Tools R' Us

Lately I have found that the best way to get new tools is to convince the wife that she wants them. Now this would usually not be the easiest thing in the world to do, but I have found a way around all the problems. The way it works is this:

First, you make a suggestion that the house could really use a new… Flower pot, picture, bathroom sink, door mat, ect. Just make sure you avoid things like… new carpet, wallpaper, bathtub, or 3rd bedroom. The trick here is to suggest something that the wife wants, but will not cause you 2 days or more of work, and a thrown out back. After the wife agrees with you is when the real fun begins. You will then have to let her know that to do the new project, you will need a new tool (or 8...). Don’t let them convince you that you already have a box full of tools that will work. Just let them know that to do the job right, you will need a new tool. Usually this will involve a trip to the local Home Labyrinth. This way you will have the widest selection of tools available to choose from. You will also be able to tell the wife that you were comparison shopping for the cheapest brand. They always like that.

As an example, last week I suggested that we get some new flowers to put out on the porch. I said they would look nice, and it would cheer things up. What I didn’t say was that they were also 75% off and she could buy about 423 potted plants for $8.23. I had been driving by the local hardware store waiting until they put the flowers on sale - I was setting this one up. Now once we arrived at the hardware store, I suggested that she go look for plants, and I would kill some time looking around. Yea, looking around in the hardware section. So off we flew to our prospective corners.

I gathered all the necessary equipment that I wanted needed and headed back to Dianne. Once I found her, I saw that she was bidding on a pallet of hanging flowers. They looked wilted enough, and the bidding was only at $4.65. At this point I was more concerned about how we were going to get the 423 or so potted plants home. After about 15 minutes she won the auction. It seems she was the only one bidding… Later I will have to explain to her how auctions work. So we proceeded to the checkout. That is when she asked me what all the new tools were for. I explained that the laser level was to make sure that we had the hooks perfectly level and on center. The new drill bits were to make sure that we were able to drill perfect holes. The new drill looks really nice with the new bits - it’s kind of like the way you always buy a new purse with new shoes. She mumbled something about a tape measure, and how our old drill and bits worked fine last week, but I paid it no attention.