Mist AND Massage!!!

This is the new shower head (pressure washer) and tools.

This weekend I felt like buying some tools, so I suggested that we get a new shower head. The one that we used to have was small and ineffective. That and the fact that it seemed to be saving way too much water. We got our water bill and it was only $13. Yep, $13 bucks. I thought it was a joke at first, but now we have a $20 electric bill and a $13 water bill. I was used to paying close to $100 a month for water in Florida, and it didn’t even smell like oranges or anything. So now here I am with all this savings, and nothing to spend it on. I decided that a new high-flow, super pressure, extra water shower head would be a nice addition to the bathroom. That and the fact that I figured that I would be able to get at least 2 new tools out of the deal. So I broached the subject with Dianne. I asked her if she thought that a new shower head would be a good idea for the bathroom. In true Dianne fashion, she asked me what was wrong with the one we had now. I then had to explain to her that it did not have 10 different setting, a cord, or a pressure washing feature for the dog. She stated that if I wanted one I could get it, but it better not need a dozen tools to install. I assured her that it would only take about 2-3 tools to install, and she would love her new shower head.

So off to the local mega-giant hardware store we went. Once we found the plumbing section, it was an easy 20 minute walk to the shower heads to pick out the one that we wanted. Soon after arriving at the shower head display area, one of the stores finest arrived and asked if he could help. I told the gentleman that I was looking for a shower head that would make me feel like I was in a Florida swamp in the middle of summer. He quickly headed the other direction not to be seen again. After about an hour of debate, and much arm wrestling, we decided on one that did everything. It was like the Swiss Army knife of shower heads. If we ever got lost in the bathroom, all we would have to do was to whip out the shower head, and all would be well.

Now no self respecting wanna-be plumber would be caught dead without several new tools for installing a Swiss Army shower head, so off to the tool coral we went. I was eyeing a pair of gooseneck/channel lock/slip joint/teeth remover pliers. Call em’ what you will, they are necessary for any plumbing project. After picking out the absolute largest pair I could find, Dianne reminded me that I was changing a shower head, not a tire. I pondered her words for a second and then asked the obvious question, “what did you say?”. She just rolled her eyes and grabbed my tool, er…, pliers that is. She replaced it with something that was much smaller and probably better suited for plumbing than car repair. She said, “Here, you will use this”. I hesitantly agreed, all the while staring at my tire changing tool. Just at that moment, Dianne asked if I needed a pair of needle nose pliers. I answered, “Ahh…of course I do…how did you know”? She said that on the pictures of parts needed there was a pair of needle nose pliers listed. I had no idea why someone would need a pair of needle nose pliers for installing a shower head, but I quickly picked out the largest pair I could find. Once again, Dianne rolled her eyes and replaced them with something a little more suitable for plumbing.

On the way to the check out I grabbed some Teflon tape and a table saw. The table saw never got past the display counter, but Dianne said it was a nice try anyway. We checked out and headed home to install our new 2006 model do-it-all and then some shower head.

As it turns out, this particular model was capable of not the government mandated 2.5 gpm max flow, but with some simple modification an impressive 8.0 gpm!!! I quickly removed all the flow restriction devices with the needle nose pliers and off we went. After about 20 minutes the shower head was installed. I decided that I would need to take it on its maiden voyage and hurriedly climbed into the shower. I turned on the water and the shower made squirting/hissing noise at me. It shook violently and then spit out a nice flow of water. I think this setting was called, “Soft spring rain”. I quickly turned it to the number 3 setting, “misting massage”. I was greeted by a soft spray that felt like I was traveling through a cloud. I really liked this setting, but it would probably take me 3 years and a day to get the soap rinsed off of me. Feeling curious I moved the little lever under the shower head all the way to the right. I think that is what allowed “max flow” to the unit. I decided to try out the pressure washer setting. I turned the dial and heard the shower head groan again. That was the last thing I remember before Dianne came running in. She said I was screaming to, “Turn it off, turn it off”, but I don’t remember that. Apparently the “pressure washing” setting was a tad bit stronger than I was anticipating. It had knocked me over and was quickly blowing a hole in my back. As it turns out, 8.0 gpm is somewhere close to the amount of water a fire hydrant will give off. It is really not that great of a thing to have in a shower. After Dianne dressed my wounds and dried off my pock marked skin we decided that we would only use the pressure washer setting for removing rust from old car parts, and putting out fires in the apartment.