Zen and the Art of doing the Wash
Today was a Saturday. Just the normal, everyday, do anything you want Saturday. Except for one thing. We couldn’t do anything we wanted, and we had a doctors appointment. A doctors appointment on Saturday. From where I came from, this would sound like crazy talk. The only way you could see a doctor in Florida on a Saturday, is if it was in the emergency room. Not here. It seems that they are open on Saturdays and late (until 8pm some nights). This was not a walk in clinic either. It was a real life, honest to goodness, see a real doctor, doctors office.
So in we go to fill out the forms and get set up as new patients. Actually Dianne was the only one getting set up, I will get set up in three or four years, or as soon as we decided to stay here. Dianne diligently filled out the paperwork that is required to be considered a good doobie. After she was half way done with the second page, she stopped and looked at me strangely. She said, “I need help”. Always one to be of assistance, I asked her what she needed. I figured she would ask when she last saw a doctor, or what her allegories were - Not a chance. She pointed to a line on the page, and asked me how she should answer it. As I looked at the line I could not believe what I saw. Perhaps I am old and somewhat prudish, but I was actually shocked at what I saw.
The line that lay before me read, “Sexual Preference”. Now I am not that old, but I am really not sure what that is doing on a medical history form. Dianne and I bounced ideas back and forth for several minutes. Some of the answers that we came up for Sexual Preference were: “I didn‘t know I had a choice”, “as much as possible”, “Same as last week“, “on top”, “on bottom”, “read Karma Sutra”, “Will I be tested on this?”, “not sure”, “Woman”, “man”. The one that we ended up putting on the form was, “With my husband”. I really hope someone reads that, but I have a feeling that it will just get filed away with the millions of other pieces of paper that never get read.
So off we sped to lunch. Surprisingly we found one of the best Italian restaurant that we have ever eaten at. Even more surprising was that it is directly next to the Chinese restaurant from hell. The place is wonderful. It reminds me much of CD Romas, but with better food, and service. For those of you not familiar with CD Romas, it is a restaurant that caters only to the rich and famous. Just getting a table sometimes takes months. Me and Dianne used to eat there at least twice a week…..
After lunch I was informed that I would be dropped off while Dianne took part in a weekly ritual that all women dream of…..Shopping. I was also made aware that the wash needed to be done, and that it should be done by the time she got back home. I did not think that it would be a problem due to the fact that Dianne has been known to go shopping for over 3 hours at a time. She once tried to explain to me that shopping was much like a sport of sorts. Kind of like a guy watching football, or playing poker and drinking with his buddies. I still have no clue.
Doing wash is something that I find very relaxing. Of course, I also found mowing 2 acres of knee high grass in Florida at 2pm in the middle of summer relaxing also. It all started when Dianne decided to burn out the motor of our washing machine that was just out of warranty. I could either pay a repairman $2,345.23 to replace the motor, or do it myself. It only took me the better part of a day, but needless to say, I can now change the motor in a direct drive washing machine faster than it takes to do a load of whites. I know this because the motor burned out 2 more times before I got a new washing machine. Until that time I would sort, organizes by color, size, type, feel, need and any other category that I felt necessary to prolong the washing process. I could usually spend the better part of a day just doing wash. Watching the machine fill with water, agitate the clothes into submissive cleanness, and then just spin the crap out of them. I think the spinning is my favorite. I even created a device that would allow me to keep the lid open so that I could watch the clothes spin around at 573mph. Oh, the relaxation of the spin cycle!!!
I seem to acquire strange skills and talents, not out of want, but out of necessity. So now, I can change a washing machine motor, replace a water heater, and kill rats with 50,000 volts - Man, that is a great story….
So in we go to fill out the forms and get set up as new patients. Actually Dianne was the only one getting set up, I will get set up in three or four years, or as soon as we decided to stay here. Dianne diligently filled out the paperwork that is required to be considered a good doobie. After she was half way done with the second page, she stopped and looked at me strangely. She said, “I need help”. Always one to be of assistance, I asked her what she needed. I figured she would ask when she last saw a doctor, or what her allegories were - Not a chance. She pointed to a line on the page, and asked me how she should answer it. As I looked at the line I could not believe what I saw. Perhaps I am old and somewhat prudish, but I was actually shocked at what I saw.
The line that lay before me read, “Sexual Preference”. Now I am not that old, but I am really not sure what that is doing on a medical history form. Dianne and I bounced ideas back and forth for several minutes. Some of the answers that we came up for Sexual Preference were: “I didn‘t know I had a choice”, “as much as possible”, “Same as last week“, “on top”, “on bottom”, “read Karma Sutra”, “Will I be tested on this?”, “not sure”, “Woman”, “man”. The one that we ended up putting on the form was, “With my husband”. I really hope someone reads that, but I have a feeling that it will just get filed away with the millions of other pieces of paper that never get read.
So off we sped to lunch. Surprisingly we found one of the best Italian restaurant that we have ever eaten at. Even more surprising was that it is directly next to the Chinese restaurant from hell. The place is wonderful. It reminds me much of CD Romas, but with better food, and service. For those of you not familiar with CD Romas, it is a restaurant that caters only to the rich and famous. Just getting a table sometimes takes months. Me and Dianne used to eat there at least twice a week…..
After lunch I was informed that I would be dropped off while Dianne took part in a weekly ritual that all women dream of…..Shopping. I was also made aware that the wash needed to be done, and that it should be done by the time she got back home. I did not think that it would be a problem due to the fact that Dianne has been known to go shopping for over 3 hours at a time. She once tried to explain to me that shopping was much like a sport of sorts. Kind of like a guy watching football, or playing poker and drinking with his buddies. I still have no clue.
Doing wash is something that I find very relaxing. Of course, I also found mowing 2 acres of knee high grass in Florida at 2pm in the middle of summer relaxing also. It all started when Dianne decided to burn out the motor of our washing machine that was just out of warranty. I could either pay a repairman $2,345.23 to replace the motor, or do it myself. It only took me the better part of a day, but needless to say, I can now change the motor in a direct drive washing machine faster than it takes to do a load of whites. I know this because the motor burned out 2 more times before I got a new washing machine. Until that time I would sort, organizes by color, size, type, feel, need and any other category that I felt necessary to prolong the washing process. I could usually spend the better part of a day just doing wash. Watching the machine fill with water, agitate the clothes into submissive cleanness, and then just spin the crap out of them. I think the spinning is my favorite. I even created a device that would allow me to keep the lid open so that I could watch the clothes spin around at 573mph. Oh, the relaxation of the spin cycle!!!
I seem to acquire strange skills and talents, not out of want, but out of necessity. So now, I can change a washing machine motor, replace a water heater, and kill rats with 50,000 volts - Man, that is a great story….
posted by Glenn & Dianne | 11:56 PM
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