This is the "fan on a stick". It and the "box fan" are the only sources of a/c in the house.

Ok, this was written about 4 days ago before I got sick. I was stricken with the stomach flu/food poisoning/Norwalk virus/Ebola/Hemorrhagic fever. I have since recovered and am thinking about bottling the funk and selling it as a celebrity weight loss gimmick. I would probably make millions and become famous in my own rite. Other than that, the weather has since dropped to a reasonable 62 degrees, and all is well again.

What is going on here? I just checked the weather forecast and it said that the current temperature is 70 degrees. It then went on to say it felt like 77!! Yea, no kidding. I was under the assumption that Alaska was supposed to be a relatively cool place in the summer. I am here, and I can tell you that 77 is not cool. Granted, it is not 96 with 493% humidity like in Florida, but it is still noticeably not cool. I am being informed that this “heat wave” will be going on for another 2 days. Great. 2 days that I will have to endure summer like conditions.

On the other hand, I don’t have to worry about how low I am going to keep the A/C. That is primarily due to the fact that I don’t have one. Nope, not even a vent in the ceiling or floor. No A/C for me. I guess that is a bit of a shock seeing that back in good old Florida where I ran from, I not only had 1 A/C unit, but 2. Yea, I had 2 units pushing out 3 ½ tons of ice cold air every day. For those that are interested, that is a total of 7 tons of frigid delight. For fun I used to drop it down to 40 and see how cold I could get the house. I did that once for an entire month until I got the bill. After picking myself up off the floor I decided that I should curb my A/C addiction. The bill was just north of $500. That was for the entire month of July one year. My average bill during the summer would be about $350-$400.

That is why I am so upset with this whole new “no air conditioning” thing. All I have to cool me down are 2 fans. One is a box fan, and the other is a fan on a stick. They both seem to do a fair job of keeping me cool, so I guess I shouldn’t complain that much. What really upset me is when I got the bill this past month. It seems that Dianne has been paying the bills and not telling me how much they were. As I remember, she always went to great lengths to bring the bill to my attention in Florida, but perhaps I am being paranoid…

That is why I was so shocked to find that our electric bills have been running around $20-$40 a month. No, not $200-$400, just $20-$40. I thought it was a joke, or a very serious mistake that I was hoping would last. Since I do not like surprises, especially when they come in the form of having my electricity turned off, I called the power company. They informed me that the bill was correct and that it was actually a little high for this time of year. I almost passed out. Now I know how everyone can afford to drive around in those new 4X4 pick up trucks.

Since we are saving so much money on electricity, I decided that shopping for a new vehicle was perhaps in order. I broached the subject with Dianne, and she agreed that we could go truck shopping, as long as we got whatever she wanted. It sounded like a good deal, and so we agreed that over the weekend we would go shopping if nothing came up. Later that day, somthing came up...

Dianne looked at me and said, “you don’t look so well”. I looked back at her as I was running for the bathroom. I stayed there, huddled in a small ball for the better part of 4 days, while the disease slowly ate away at my very being. On the 4 day, I came out and announced that I was feeling slightly better. Dianne quietly asked how much better. I replied that I was feeling like eating again after 4 days, but only something, “easy on the stomach”. She suggested, eggs, toast, Jell-O, and all sorts of various bland goodies. I replied that I wanted a Philly cheese steak and a white pizza. Beer would be nice also I added. She stared at me like I was a ghost. Actually I might very well have looked like a ghost after sleeping and not eating for that long.

We agreed that we would cut out the beer and pizza, but the cheese steaks could stay as long as we added in a healthy salad and chicken wings (No, not more of those!!). We later switched the chicken wings to chicken strips. We figured it would be much healthier, and easier for me to digest without all that sauce.

If this is new and improved, I want old and inferior

Ok, so what are the chances that getting a new older cable box will be easy? I was told that any cable location should have them, and just to stop in and exchange it. There are about a half dozen locations around Anchorage, and they should all have the box, right? Yea, and if you believe that one, I have some swamp land in Florida I would like to sell ya.

So off I went to the nearest location. I toted in my new improved cable box and asked for an old and inferior model. The clerk quickly headed to the back room to hunt down on of the dusty relics in the closet. About 5 minutes later she came back and informed me that they were totally out of the model that I had requested, and that I should try another store. Ok, not a problem. I just got another new model to replace my old new model and off I went. I decided that driving all over town was going to be a waste of time so I went home to make a few calls to track down a cable box and hook up the one I had gotten.

When I hooked up the new new cable box, surprisingly one of the 5 channels that I wanted worked! Could it be that all I needed was a new box? Of course not.. After the box received all its new information from the “mother cable company ship” I was denied even the one channel that was originally working. I do believe they are out to get me. Once again I made several calls to tech support to explain the situation and try to get things working without having to go all over town to search for another older cable box. It was a lesson in futility. I should have known better. The good part is that I had the tech call all the locations around town looking for my elusive black (actually it’s silver) box. They were able to locate one and had it chained down until I arrived.

At the cable company I was greeted by Grizzly Adams, or perhaps a small brown bear. In any case it was very furry and spoke English. I was nervous at first, but when it handed over my new old box, I was too happy to care. I was kind of concerned about the fact that they were trying to grow grass on the counter, but my mind quickly changed gears, and I was headed home. Once home I plugged in the old and inferior model to see if I would need to make 45,053 more calls to tech support. To my amazement, it worked. I held my breath - Then I held it some more. I passed out and was woken by Dianne slapping me saying, “breath stupid, breath”. I made a mental note not to hold my breath anymore. The channels were still working.

It seems that the “cable mother ship” likes these older boxes, and so allows all the channels to be received. I (and the cable company) still have no idea why the new boxes are so temperamental. I suppose it really doesn’t matter now that I have the last box that works in Anchorage!!! I wonder what I would get for it on eBay?

Random sights from around the corner

Ok, so I am pretty used to panhandlers. They hold up there sign asking for money, or food and are pretty much harmless. On an average day in a good spot, they probably make more money than me. I have seen them across the country, from Florida to New York, and from Nevada to Canada. They are all pretty much seem the same.

Not here. It seems that although Anchorage has a large number of homeless, they are different. Not different in the homeless sense, but in there attitude towards being homeless. You see, while most homeless people in the lower 48 seem to be dejected and morose, the homeless here seem to be very happy. We have one gentleman that frequents a corner and has a sign that reads, “Bill is looking for a rich wife with a fat ass”. He also dances and sings. He may be homeless, but at least he is enjoying himself. Other signs that I have seen around are, “looking for one sock”. I will have to drive by again to see if he really only has one sock, or if he is collecting one at a time. Another that has been seen is, “need one penny”. I suppose he is not setting his sights very high, but I guess you have to start somewhere.

Yesterday I saw something that I am not sure of what it was. As we were waiting at an intersection when we noticed a woman standing on a corner. She did not look homeless in any way, and was not holding a sign. What she was holding was what looked like a wolf pelt. The entire thing - Head and all. She just stood there with her flat friend draped over her shoulder and hanging down about 3-4 feet. I was quite puzzled (and still am…). Was she waiting for the light to turn to get across the street, or was she trying to sell the pelt? After getting done shopping, we noticed that she was still standing on the corner holding her deflated wolf. No sign, no indication of moving. I wanted to go ask her if she was selling the pelt, but we had bigger and better fish to fry that day. I suppose I could drive by and see if she is there again today.

Other than the wolf lady, it was a pretty normal day. One thing that I do need to get done is exchanging my cable box. It seems that the newest and best boxes that they have do not accept some channels. I have probably talked to customer service for 2 hours straight. I would venture to guess that I have talked to over half a dozen reps with no satisfaction. They did send out a cable repairman that looked at the box, pushed several buttons and made a 2 minute call to the “super secret tech support”. He came back and told me that the new and improved box did not work (I already figured that out…), and that I would need an old and inferior model. Great. Now I need to go get an older box to watch the new Hi-Def channels (all 5 of them). Hopefully it will be less of a hassle then dealing with customer support. We will see.

A day in the Mountains

Combat fishing at its best - Once I get my fishing license, I will be the third guy on the right.

Today was just another typical Sunday. It started with Breakfast (lunch for most - 1:30pm) at the American Dinner. This place is a typical dinner with good cheap food. That is a must in a place that can drain your wallet dry faster than the Sahara in a dry spell. Nothing is free or cheap in Alaska. Everything comes at a price. Even getting to the best scenery will cost you a half a days hike, and about 3000 calories, although sometimes you do get lucky.

Today was also a lucky day. After the dinner, we headed to our storage unit to make sure that our trailer was still there. If it had been stolen, I could get almost a years rent back and afford the Taco Bell that we were going to eat tonight. Unfortunately
it was standing watch where we had left it several week hence. We decided to go shopping for recliners since the plastic sofa is only big enough for one, and not very comfortable. Dianne asked me where we should go, so I gladly advised her of the direction she should head.

On the way to our destination, she saw a garage sale sign. Now I do not know a women that can resist the allure of a garage sale, so I let her go. She sniffed around and looked at a couch that they had out for sale. I was worried that she might buy it and I would have to figure out how to get it home. She came back to the car and told me that there was nothing that she was interested in. I asked her about the couch. She said that it would not match anything. Intrigued, I asked how much they wanted for it. She said $30. I wanted to run out of the car and drag the couch home. Unfortunately home was 7 miles away, and I have a problem walking 7 feet, much less 7 miles. So the couch stayed. It was to be someone else’s prized find. We were off to find new recliners for watching the TV.

Dianne did not seem happy when we arrived at our destination. I tried to explain that sometimes you find the best things in the strangest places. Her response was, “So why are we at a shooting range again?” Women have the hardest time understanding the male brain. I explained to her that we needed to get information on the range in order to be prepared when we go shooting. She retorted with the typical female response, “We were supposed to be looking for furniture”. Yea, but now we are here, and we should check it out - It will be fun. She followed me reluctantly. We made our way to the range officers booth and asked all the necessary questions like if they allow bazookas, fully automatic weapons, rocket launchers, ect. The range officer explained that we could fire anything short of a nuclear bomb as long as we has the permits for it. I was satisfied, and we decided to leave. Upon leaving someone at the rifle range fired off something that must have been about a 642mm round. The sound knocked both me and Dianne to the ground. Upon getting up, Dainne inquired to me what that was. I answered that it was a gun. She responded by asking me what caliber it was. My response was, “big”. I may not know much about weapons, but I know a big gun when I hear it…

So off we went, across the river and through the woods (actually they were more like mountains) to the fish processing plant we went. Along the way we passed a stream full of combat fisherman. They were lined up shoulder to shoulder trying there best to land a trophy. It seems that some had already given up and were directing the action from the shore.

At the fish processing plant we discovered that not only did a fish processing plant smell like, well, a fish processing plant, but that they also sold Ptarmigan (see chicken Alaska for details). Satisfying our need to know where fish and chicken are processed, we decided to head home. Back down the mountain we headed trying our best not to burn out the breaks, or fall off side of a mountain.

It seems that these simple goats are in much better shape than me...

On our way back we noticed bunch of cars parked on the side of the highway. Since we were curious, and had nothing better to do, we joined the group. We quickly learned that they were watching a family of mountain goats high up on a cliff. Since I did not have a telephoto lenses, I decided to climb up the cliff to get a better photo of the goats. This is where I learned two valuable lessons. First, I should never attempt to scale a vertical cliff unless I have a death wish. Second, I am not in good enough shape to have a death wish. Instead I settled for pictures taken from the relative comfort and safety of the roadside. All in all is was a pretty productive day. I was able to get the price for range fees and shoot mountain goats all in the same day.

A Fish Tale

This is where I almost jumped into the creek to go "pet" the fish. Dianne stopped me before I could even get my second shoe off... Notice the fish in the lower right. It seems to be giving me, "the tail"

Fishing is something that I have always loved. I have fished in almost every form there is, from fishing with just line and a tin can, to using tackle that would cost more than most peoples home computers. I have tried to spread my passion to as many people as I could. I have taken complete strangers fishing simply because they wanted to and did not know how to fish. Most of my friends and family I have been fishing with and will attest that I truly love the activity. For me, not much else gives me a feeling of being so close to nature as being on the water, relaxing, waiting for that moment when the fish takes your bait and the battle commences.

The art of fishing that I am most accustomed to is solitary in nature and usually happens when I am by myself in 3-4 feet of water. I will usually wade out on a grass flat about a mile from land with no one in sight but perhaps a lonely dolphin swimming in the distance. That is one of the reasons that I was so surprised about how they fish here in Anchorage. Fishing is not a solitary venture here. In fact I would go so far as to say that it is more of a team sport than anything. For those of you that are familiar with Anchorage, I am referring to the combat fishing at Ship Creek. To be more precise, the area around the walkway that goes over the creek. You see, in most cases, there are those that fish, and those that watch others fish. In most cases, the two classes are very distinct and separate. The fisherman fish, and the watchers watch. Pretty simple, right? Not here. You see, here the fisherman fish, but the watchers are responsible for more than just watching. They are responsible for letting the fisherman know where the fish are, and to precisely guide them to the waiting prey. Something like a fishing guide of sorts.

The first indication that I had been sucked into this strange sport was when we walked onto the bridge overlooking the creek. The first thing that amazed me was the amount of people fishing. There were probably 30-40 people fishing shoulder to shoulder on the shoreline. It was that way on both sides of the bank. The other thing that amazed me was the amazing number of fish. Schools of 12-30+ fish would swim by within feet of the wading fisherman, past there lines, around there hooks, and up the creek. The people on the bridge that were not fishing would help spot the schools and tell the fishermen below where to cast there lines. It was truly a team effort.

For all the hundreds of salmon that we saw swimming by, nobody seemed to be catching any fish. It was almost as though the fish were taunting the fisherman. They would swim up, over, and back down the creek - All in a never ending cycle It was almost as though they were saying, “ha, ha, here I am, you can’t catch me…”. I just wanted to whip out a cast net and grab a few dozen for snacks, but for some reason, I do not think that would be legal. I could just see myself getting arrested for salmon snatching…

This is the Salmon hatchery that is guarded tighter than Fort Knox. I had to run when the guard saw me taking pictures of the "prized salmon".

Later that day we drove up ship creek a few miles to a salmon hatchery where they tempt you with hundreds of king salmon in giant fish tanks. The signs say no fishing, but what other reason do they have for collecting such large amounts of fish, other than to let weary fisherman like myself wet a line in a tank filled with hundreds of fish? I am still trying to figure out how to get past the security guard, around the electric fence, over the gate, and through the barbed wire. They sure are making it difficult for me to fish around here…

Inspiration

This is Dianne and Nick (Nick is on the leash…) right before they were sucked down into the mud flats in Anchorage.

Actually, that picture is not even of Anchorage. It was taken at Ft. DeSoto in St. Petersburg, Florida about a month before we left for Alaska. The truth of the matter is that I have not seen Dianne since she left for the Dimond Mall with my credit card about 4 hours ago. I think she is trapped in some Twilight Zone like shopping spree where everything she buys disappears, so she has to go back and buy it again. Either that or she is just really enjoying buying everything in sight. Hopefully she will remember to buy me razors. I haven’t shaved in 4 days and am starting to feel like sasquatch. I may need hedge trimmers before I hit the beard with the razor. I think I will go to Home Depot for power equipment if Dianne ever gets home. That would teach her to go shopping for 4 hours and have more fun than me.

Since Dianne has found a new home at the mall, I have started to watch more TV than I usually do. In fact, I think that this is the longest I have watched TV in several years. I must have been watching that thing for several hours straight. I even started talking to it at one point. I was watching an infomercial about knives or something. The guy was cutting things that I would never eat. I really didn’t care if he could cut a hammer with a knife, I was more concerned as to where the bottle opener was on that thing. I started yelling at the TV like it could hear me. I think the neighbors started getting worried, because I heard them come out on there porch and start listening to me lecture the TV about lying to people and truth in advertising.

Since I have been watching so much TV lately, (all 2 hours) I have decided to get the High Definition programming package (all 5 channels…). I have purchased a TV that has the capability to handle it, and I think I need to watch Law and Order in Hi-Def. The cost is surprisingly low. I thought that it would be about the same as a monthly truck payment, but as it turns out, it is only about the cost of my monthly electric pencil fund. So now I will be watching Doink-Doink (Law and Order) in high def. That and the fact that I also get Sponge Bob Square pants in Hi-Def (added bonus). I sure hope I can convince Dianne to go for it - If she ever gets home…

A Root Beer a day......

I wonder if anyone in this house likes Root Beer??? And why exactly are they in the freezer???

Today was a great day. We finally were able to get a parking space for Flat Top mountain. We did not actually hike to Flat Top mountain due to time constraints, but we did do the Anchorage loop - A much smaller and easier trail. We were able to see how the trail runs from where we were. It seemed like a really nice trail until the last 500 feet or so. Then it looked like a rock climb to the top. We will save this climb for another day when we can leave early in the morning, and spend the entire day exploring.

The botanical gardens were very nice. We did not run into any bears, but did get to see an herb garden. I was amazed at the variety of different types and sizes of herbs that they had, although they were missing one herb that I hear is especially common in Alaska… In any case, I was able to stock up on all my essential herbs, and no longer have to go to the store to buy any (who cares what that sign said…).

I am now cooking again. Primarily due to the fact that we were able to get a dinning room table. It was made by an 8 year old in China that couldn’t drill straight. Yes, this was a put-it-tougher yourself project also. It only took me the better part of 4 hours. The chairs are a little wobbly, and the table leans to one side, but if you tilt your head, and hold one foot off to the side, you could never tell. Dianne is thrilled that she no longer has to eat standing up, and to tell you the truth, so am I. Our next big project is getting a couch. I am really not looking forward to putting that together…

Busy Day

This is one of the many thousands of flowers at the botanical gardens in Anchorage.

Today will be devoted to going to Flat Top mountain, and hopefully finding a parking space. That in itself qualifies as an accomplishment for the day. After that we are headed off to the Anchorage botanical gardens. It is over 110 acres of flowers, shrubs, herbs, all arranged for your enjoyment. For those of you in Florida, imagine Sunken Gardens, but about 7 times as large.

After the gardens, we will be going to a sporting goods store to look at Alaskan Light Sabers (.44 magnums). I have been eyeing one for quite some time, and am going to try to convince the clerk that he should let me “test it out” first. It probably will not happen, but I will try anyway.

This is the reason that I need an Alaskan Light Saber. Dianne took this picture the last time she was at the gardens. Needless to say, she did not go any further...

Zen and the Art of doing the Wash

Today was a Saturday. Just the normal, everyday, do anything you want Saturday. Except for one thing. We couldn’t do anything we wanted, and we had a doctors appointment. A doctors appointment on Saturday. From where I came from, this would sound like crazy talk. The only way you could see a doctor in Florida on a Saturday, is if it was in the emergency room. Not here. It seems that they are open on Saturdays and late (until 8pm some nights). This was not a walk in clinic either. It was a real life, honest to goodness, see a real doctor, doctors office.

So in we go to fill out the forms and get set up as new patients. Actually Dianne was the only one getting set up, I will get set up in three or four years, or as soon as we decided to stay here. Dianne diligently filled out the paperwork that is required to be considered a good doobie. After she was half way done with the second page, she stopped and looked at me strangely. She said, “I need help”. Always one to be of assistance, I asked her what she needed. I figured she would ask when she last saw a doctor, or what her allegories were - Not a chance. She pointed to a line on the page, and asked me how she should answer it. As I looked at the line I could not believe what I saw. Perhaps I am old and somewhat prudish, but I was actually shocked at what I saw.

The line that lay before me read, “Sexual Preference”. Now I am not that old, but I am really not sure what that is doing on a medical history form. Dianne and I bounced ideas back and forth for several minutes. Some of the answers that we came up for Sexual Preference were: “I didn‘t know I had a choice”, “as much as possible”, “Same as last week“, “on top”, “on bottom”, “read Karma Sutra”, “Will I be tested on this?”, “not sure”, “Woman”, “man”. The one that we ended up putting on the form was, “With my husband”. I really hope someone reads that, but I have a feeling that it will just get filed away with the millions of other pieces of paper that never get read.

So off we sped to lunch. Surprisingly we found one of the best Italian restaurant that we have ever eaten at. Even more surprising was that it is directly next to the Chinese restaurant from hell. The place is wonderful. It reminds me much of CD Romas, but with better food, and service. For those of you not familiar with CD Romas, it is a restaurant that caters only to the rich and famous. Just getting a table sometimes takes months. Me and Dianne used to eat there at least twice a week…..

After lunch I was informed that I would be dropped off while Dianne took part in a weekly ritual that all women dream of…..Shopping. I was also made aware that the wash needed to be done, and that it should be done by the time she got back home. I did not think that it would be a problem due to the fact that Dianne has been known to go shopping for over 3 hours at a time. She once tried to explain to me that shopping was much like a sport of sorts. Kind of like a guy watching football, or playing poker and drinking with his buddies. I still have no clue.

Doing wash is something that I find very relaxing. Of course, I also found mowing 2 acres of knee high grass in Florida at 2pm in the middle of summer relaxing also. It all started when Dianne decided to burn out the motor of our washing machine that was just out of warranty. I could either pay a repairman $2,345.23 to replace the motor, or do it myself. It only took me the better part of a day, but needless to say, I can now change the motor in a direct drive washing machine faster than it takes to do a load of whites. I know this because the motor burned out 2 more times before I got a new washing machine. Until that time I would sort, organizes by color, size, type, feel, need and any other category that I felt necessary to prolong the washing process. I could usually spend the better part of a day just doing wash. Watching the machine fill with water, agitate the clothes into submissive cleanness, and then just spin the crap out of them. I think the spinning is my favorite. I even created a device that would allow me to keep the lid open so that I could watch the clothes spin around at 573mph. Oh, the relaxation of the spin cycle!!!

I seem to acquire strange skills and talents, not out of want, but out of necessity. So now, I can change a washing machine motor, replace a water heater, and kill rats with 50,000 volts - Man, that is a great story….

Hooters - The Joy of Deep Fried Chicken Wings

Hooters by candle light.

What is it about Hooters that makes me stupid? I like to think that I am relatively intelligent, and have a good head on my shoulders, but the second I step into Hooters it all flys out the window. Today I decided that I wanted wings. Not just any wings mind you, but Hooters wings. I really like(love) them. I think it is the breading that they are fried in that does something to me. Whatever it is, there tender goodness is delicious.

So we arrive at Hooters and I get out to get a menu. When I return we decided that we will have 20 wings with medium sauce - all drummies of course… So off we go into the great wonderland of deep fried chicken wings. We make our way to the counter and wait to place our order. A friendly server approaches us and asks if there is anything she could help us with. We advise her that we would like 20 medium wings - all drummies please.

This is where things start to get a little fuzzy. She leaned over the bar and spoke. I really have no idea of what she said, but she had a Russian accent, and very white teeth. I looked at Dianne. Dianne looked at me. I was hoping that she knew what was said, and would somehow translate it to me. It did not quite happen that way. Dianne asked what I thought.

What did I think?

I didn’t understand a damn thing she just said, much less have an opinion on it.

Well, it sound interesting I said. What do you think?

I was playing it safe here. Whatever she said, I would just agree and act like I knew what was going on the whole time. That was the ticket!

Dianne said it sounded like a good deal and we would take it.

I was off the hook. I had played the game perfectly. Dianne got what she thought was a good deal, and I got to keep my dignity. She would never know that I had no idea what the waitress was talking about.

The waitress said that it would be about 15-20 minutes, and what would we like with our 50 wings!!?!?!?!?

What? Did she just say what I thought she said? I could have sworn that she just said, “50” wings. Normally I will only eat about 10 wings before I start to get sick of them. On a good day I can polish off, say, oh about 15-20 wings if I am really hungry. I now just ordered 50 and I have no idea how or why. All I remember is that Alyona leaned across the counter and stole my common sense. I felt violated. I had been made to do something that I didn’t want to do, and I had no idea why I did it. I wasn’t sure which was worse - having to eat 50 wings, or not knowing why I ordered them.

I had just ordered enough wings to feed 5 people. I wondered what I was going to do with all the wings. I figured that if I ate 5 wings for breakfast, lunch and dinner, they would last for 3 ½ days. I would eat chicken wing salad, chicken wing sandwiches, chicken wing kabobs, grilled chicken wings, roasted chicken wings…. I could go to a park and feed the homeless chicken wings. I could go fishing and use chicken wings for bait (do salmon like chicken?). Any way I looked at it, I was going to be surrounded by chicken wings for a while.

That night after we got home, I asked Dianne what kind of chicken wing she wanted. She looked at me and said, “Oh, I’m not in the mood for chicken wings. I think I am going to have a burger“.

Now I have a strange feeling that they are going to last for 7 days....

...You can call me Bun-bun if you want

This is Bun-bun. He is not as large as moosee, but every bit as cute.

As you know, July 2nd the car decided to spring another leak. It was the radiator hose that was causing the problem. I was unable to determine which hose it was, but was quite sure it was from one of the hoses, and not the radiator. I thought that I would take it to the local garage and have them fix the problem the next day. So I got up bright and early, filled the radiator with water and prayed that I would make it to the garage without the engine overheating. Off I went, down the street. At every red light I would turn off the car to help the engine stay cool for as long as possible. Just as I turned into the garage, the engine started to show signs of heating up. That was ok though because I had made it to the garage, and fifteen minutes early! I just had to sit around and wait for the staff to show up and I would get a ride home from them. So I waited, and waited, and waited. Just then a car pulled up. I thought it was one of the mechanics. He got out of his car and asked me if the shop was open. I told him I didn’t think it was open yet, but it was probably going to open any minute. He waked up to the door and said, “I don’t think so”. I looked at a note that was taped to the door. It read, “We will be closed Monday July 3rd for the 4th of July weekend. We will re-open on Wednesday July 5th. Thank you”. Oh, that’s just great I thought. Now I have to drive back home with a hot engine that is already starting to overheat. I decided that the best way to get back home was to do it fast. The quicker I got home the faster I could start my 4th of July in isolation. The car drove fine for the first half of the way home. Then it started to have some fun with me. It would start making hissing noises as if it were telling me that I shouldn’t have driven it this far. At red lights, it would spew steam like Old Faithful from under the radiator. Every time I stopped someone would have to point out that my van was overheating. Like I couldn’t tell from the mountains of steam pouring from under the hood… Finally we made it home and just as the engine started to really get hot. Now for the next two days I would get to sit and do nothing in the house. Good thing I have a bed and TV, otherwise I might have to entertain myself. Heaven forbid I do anything crazy like that.

Today I ran the gauntlet with the car again. Up to the repair shop. The only difference was that this time they were actually open. I dropped off the car and was taken home by one of there drivers. I will hopefully be advised that the car is done and ready to be picked up shortly. It has been a fun two days of doing nothing, but I did get a chance to chase Bun-bun around the complex….

The Road to Nowhere

This is the road to Flat Top mountian. I was hanging on to the car for dear life as I took this picture. Anchorage is in the background

Today was a lazy day. Just sitting back, relaxing, doing nothing. I often wonder if everyone else is like me. To find out, I decided to go exploring. I often wondered why Anchorage is so empty on weekends. Where do all the people go? Today I found out. Just for kicks, I decided to drive up dead mans curve/heavens hill/drop of death (call it what you will, it is one hell of a steep road) to flat top mountain. Those of you that live in and around Anchorage are probably laughing, saying, “steep, maaaan, that isn’t even a bump on my radar. Ok, I am new here and not used to driving up 45 degree inclines yet - give me a break. So as you probably already know, everyone that wants to go for a short hike, goes to flat top mountain. That would be about half the population of Anchorage. On the way up, I saw people parking on the side of the road. That was about a half a mile from the parking area. When I got there, the place was packed. Not a spot to be had. I couldn’t have found a spot if I was driving a moped. Then again, I don’t think I could have made it up that far on a moped… In any case, I decided to come back down and hop on the Seward Hwy for fun.

So after burning out my brakes coming down the mountain and doing irreparable damage to my engine and transmission having put it in 1 the whole way down I was off to the Potters Marsh area. That is where I realized where the other half of Anchorage goes on the weekends. No, not Potters Marsh, but somewhere further than that. How do I know? Well, because while I was the only person leaving Anchorage, everyone else was coming back. I really would like to know where they went, because there were hundreds of them - and they all looked happy. I want to be happy. I want to go to places that nobody else but 500 of my closest friends knows about.

So I decided that since all of Anchorage was going home, I should to. I turned around and headed home. About half way home I noticed a squealing noise. I secretly hoped it was coming from the car next to me. At the next light I did not hear the squeal anymore, but noticed the temperature gauge moving quite quickly to the right. This was not good. I figured that the radiator hose had sprung another leak, and was quickly running out of fluid. I smelled the sweet smell of radiator fluid/money leaking from my hoses. I knew that this was going to be a problem. I quickly drove home and parked the car. I opened the hood and it was in fact a leak in one of the hoses. I will now have to have it (hopefully) repaired today. I think it is under warrantee, but who knows. It has been more than 30 days since it was repaired, so it may not be. Wish me luck!! We will find out Shortly.

......Saturday, what a day, I think it was the 1st of July.....

Ok, I think I may be addicted to this Chinese place. This is the second time in three days that I have been there. I haven’t eaten this much Chinese food in at least 6 months. I hate Chinese food - never have liked the stuff. Every time I go into a Chinese restaurant I start humming that song, “cats in the kettle…” Not at this restaurant. I just keep stuffing the stuff in like it was my last meal or something. I am beginning to think they are putting something in the food. Whatever it is it tastes good, and I hope they don’t stop. If I keep eating there at this rate, I will be putting there youngest through college.

So after eating Garfield we decided to go bargain shopping for some house wares. We decided on the Salvation Army due to its large selection and proximity to Comp USA. I could look at computer stuff while the wife looked for useless stuff like couches and dinning room tables… So we finally arrive at the location and I decided that I would take a look around and see if they had any goodies that I might be interested in. As we walked in the door I asked the wife what she was hunting for:

Me to Wife: So what are you looking to get?

Wife answering: I am hoping to find a dinning room table, couch, end tables, a piggy bank, and some toys for the dog.

Me to Wife: That sounds great

Wife to me: So what are you looking for?

Me answering: A 12 gauge pump action shot gun.

Wife to me: Oh, well, good luck

Me to Wife: yea, you too

Off we went in our perspective directions each looking for virtual gold. After several minutes of searching I got lost. Yea, this place was pretty big. Smaller than a Home Depot, but larger than your local tackle shop. I finally found Dianne and told her that I was giving up and going next door. She seemed disappointed that I was quitting so soon, but that was the longest I had shopped in over a year, and was feeling queasy. She told me that she would be over shortly and we parted ways.

The Comp USA was wonderful. Bright lights, fancy toys, and things that I could not afford at every turn. I marveled at all the thingies with buttons, and gizmos with lights. I was in my element. I traveled up and down isles with nothing but wires for every occasion. I saw cameras that took pictures even if you weren’t there. I played games with a 7 year old that knew more about computers than I did. He was using fancy names, like keyboard, and mouse (showoff…). So after being beaten in Kung-Fu-Basketball for the 18th time I decided to head over to what I actually came for - the Vonage setup. I was not sure if it worked or not, but I was willing to give it a try. Hey, for free (or as close to it as I can get) I was willing to give it a shot.

At this time I realized that it had been about 20 minutes and Dianne was still nowhere to be seen. At first I worried, but then remembered that I had the car keys. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to check out and just be standing around waiting. I looked around. What to my wondrous eyes might appear, but a tiny cradle, and eight tiny reindeer (ok, it was actually a phone, but that just didn‘t sound right…). It screamed, “use me - I’m free”. Or at least that is what I heard. So I picked up the phone and dialed a long distance phone number. I think I may have been a relative, but at that point, anybody would have done. They answered. It was in fact a relative, or at least someone that acknowledged me. We talked, and talked, and talked. I decided that if I could talk this long on someone else’s phone for free, I really needed to get this thing and talk my little heart out. Now nobody was going to be safe. At that point Dianne appeared out of nowhere and asked if I was ready. I said no, but she told me to grab whatever it was that I wanted and hurry up. She said that this place was boring, and all the stuff was too expensive to be looking at. I agreed as I wandered off into a maze of laptops…